HAVE I GOT A GUY FOR YOU
A writer endures eights hours of a Dungeons & Dragons convention
A mother writes to Gelman, the producer of Regis & Kathie Lee, hoping to persuade him to ask her daughter out
A mother secretly sets up her daughter thanks to an Indian Internet site
An over-zealous actor who performs a monologue at Starbucks
A jounalist is hit on by her date and his sister, at the same time.
It's an ongoing tale: Mom meets random guy. Mom gives him your number, or introduces you on the spot, or takes his number and insists you phone him...or worse, she finds him through her own devices. You go on said date and so-called 'Mr. Right' is clearly anything but. Yes, it's a story we've all heard before.
According to the Oxford Pocket Dictionary, a blind date is “a social engagement or date with a person one has not previously met: a blind date arranged by well-meaning friends.”
When coordinated by one's mother, the definition changes to: a comical, daunting, social engagement or date with a frightening, strange, odd, scary—please feel free to insert any adjective you'd like— person one has not previously met. Often, a liquid concoction or something chocolaty needs to be ingested immediately following said date. There is a good reason for this. Usually, these people were not meant to meet. The universe feels it unnecessary for any form of interaction to occur. But Mothers are forceful beings and clearly have special powers that overrun the world as we know it.
The 26 personal essays enclosed in this book are—deep sigh—all true. And since there are no twelve-step programs, no meetings for Victims of Bad Set-ups By Mothers—or VBBM— for us to attend, this is our only way to vent and share our stories of misfortune. Hilarious and heartfelt, we hope you'll feel part of a sisterhood of failed fix-ups, made worse by you know who. Like a support group to carry around in your Prada purse, these narratives let you in on the date while introducing you to each author's mother. They are honest, entertaining and amusing tales, providing validating, tangible, and sympathetic proof that you are not alone— but rather in good company. And for you lucky few who have been spared the mother-induced fix-up, we hope you'll count your blessings while still enjoying the read.
In the fashion of The Modern Jewish Girl's Guide to Guilt, Bastard on the Couch and Bitch in the House, Have I Got A Guy For You is a colorful, tasty array of flavored jellybeans, perfectly mixed in a cleverly glass jar. As filling as a five course meal and as satisfying as fat-free ice cream, we hope you will gobble up these stories as quickly as our mother's handed out our phone numbers and e-mail address. Of course, no collection would be complete without a happy ending, and our bride-to-be is proof that once in a while, Mom gets it right - even when we think she won't.